I will not be celebrating my 20th. Lame, I know. But I've come to realize that I'm just not into group gatherings where the attention is focused on me. Which is odd, because at one point the thought of being the center of attention actually appealed to me. I don't know what happened. I guess this must be me growing up? That or I've just become apathetic about everything. It's likely the latter. I'm surprised myself too, to be honest. But the truth is, I'm just too lazy to plan anything or care for that matter, even with the conveniences of Facebook Events. I'm just going to go buy myself a nice birthday gift, and call it a day. Happy Birthday to Moi! And no, I'm not being sarcastic. I actually, don't want anything to do with my 20th other than it giving me an excuse to binge-shop/compulse-buy with a guilt-free pass. Wow, when did I become so boring? Oh yeah, since I noticed my soul has been ripped out of my body and my sense of purpose is non-existent. Haha, I kidd. Sort of.

I also think I'm experiencing a mid-life crisis, at 19 going on 20. I cringed just typing up that last part. I can't believe my teen years are over. Sad face. But what can you do? Life's a bitch sometimes. More so lately, but I think I'm just in a rut. A big, fat, Grand Canyon sized rut.

"I don't know what to do with my life."

Up until now these words have been the story of life, but now that I actually realize that I'm not getting any younger (with the oh so subtle "BIG 2-0" slapped in my face), these words seem like a threat. And truthfully, I'm scared shitless. I'm tired of complaining about school and about how I want things to be different. They say life is what you make of it, and I believe them. Speaking as a spoiled only child, I'm used to getting what I want. I'm determined to make it happen. It's a promise to myself. Or in the least I need to give it an actual chance. The clock is ticking.

"Don't ask me how or why, but I'm gonna make it happen this time.

My teenage dream tonight, yeah I'm gonna make it happen this time. "

Did they tell you "You should grow up," when you wanted to dream? Did they warn you "Better shape up, if you want to succeed"? I don't know about you, who are they talking to? They're not talking to me.

I'm higher than high, lower than deep
I'm doing it wrong, singing along

Did I ask you for attention, when affection is what I need? Thinking sorrow is perfection,
I'd wallow 'til you told me:

"There's no glitter in the gutter, there's no twilight galaxy."

Red Velvet Goodness


I know this post is about two weeks too late, but I'm gonna post it anyways. I'm a firm believer in being fashionably late, you know, make them wait a bit. It keeps things interesting. Anyhow here are some of my favourite pics from my good friend Lan's 20th Birthday. She's the first of our group to reach the big 2-0. She's in the red by the way.


Trail Blazers..get it?

Cousins Looking Fierce

Janniqua and Bonniqua

Rebecca, Janny, Lan and I

It's crazy that I've known this girl since Grade 1. I was having a conversation today over coffee at Tim's (and no, I did NOT win anything today...I'm now 1/6) with another long time friend, about how we're the only people we know that still hang out with the same group they did from Elementary. It's inevitable that friends come and go as people (yourself included) grow up and change over time. New preferences are made, and people develop new perspectives even personalities for that matter. Sometimes it's a good thing, other times it's questionable. But that fact remains that people change. I especially find that most people as they transition from Elementary-->Jr. High-->High School, tend to switch their friend groups the most. I, however, pretty much stayed in the same circle of friends give or take a few, but the core of my friend group still exists. I'm still close to the friends that I once swung on monkey bars with, and for that I'm grateful. It's rare these days to have such a tight knit group of friends that have literally grown up with each other. So this post is dedicated to Lan, Janny, Avneet, and Feryaal (who is currently residing in Edmonton, and probably doenst even know about my blog, but I feel she deserves credit none the less). But don't get me wrong, I also really appreciate the new friends I've made througout the years, they mean just as much to me. Who else would I talk to about Gossip Girl, The Hills and other brainless televison shows, celebrity gossip, and current fashion trends/no-nos with? You guys are the best bitches I know and I say that with love ;)