The clouds above opened up and let it out

I don't know what it is about the winter months, but I always find myself drenched in Death Cab. For the past two weeks, almost every single night I've fallen asleep to the sweet (arguably depressing) melodies of this amazing band and the sensitive heart-broken voice of Ben Gibbard. Whoever broke his heart is a bitch, but thanks to her came the soundtracks to many of our lives (p.s. - I heard he's engaged to Zooey Dechanel now). I mean it's everything about these songs, not just the melodies that are so haunting and replay themselves in my mind when I least expect them to, but the lyrics seem to capture the words that I so often feel but could never find for my life. I love this band so much. How I wish they would play in Calgary...I mean they did mention "Calgary" in the song "I Will Follow You Into The Dark," so it's not like they don't know that we exist!

Lately, I've been listening to Transatlanticism non-stop. Regardless of the fact that this song nears 8 minutes, I can't seem to change the song. I'm obsessed with the hint of train-track sounds in the background, it goes so beautifully with the song. It sounds lame, but sometimes I get shivers when these words are sung:

"I need you so much closer.

I need you so much closer.

I need you so much closer.

I need you so much closer.

I need you so much closer.

I need you so much closer.

I need you so much closer.

I need you so much closer."

You don't need to have an ocean between two people for them to be distant from one another. It's sad really, but I can completely relate to this song.

On a happier note, I caught up with an old friend yesterday and we had ourselves a nice dinner but there was definitely more talking than there was eating. We ended up staying for 3 hours even though we "finished" our meals about an hour in. I ended up having to pack up basically half if not more of my meal home since I was too preoccupied with our conversation. I don't know what it is about her, but ever since I met her I've always found that she was so easy to talk to, and to open up with. We've been through a lot together, and we've literally grown up together. This is the same person that I used to play Tag with everyday at recess, go bike riding with after school and throughout the summer, ring door-to-door with offering our leaf-raking services for change, and go sledding with in the winter. Actually, we went sledding last winter for old time's sake, and being in-coincidentally sentimental, we both ended up bringing our old sleds from when we were kids to use. And surprise, of course we (I) didn't fit in them! So trying to sled down a hill with a sled that's obviously too small for you resulted in multiple wipe-outs that were not so fun as they were painful and bruise-inducing. I don't think we'll be sledding again this year haha. But being able to catch up with her last night was more than satisfying. Even though I don't see her as often as I would like, I can always expect a call from her on new years eve (day) a few minutes after midnight and a call on my birthday no matter where she is. It's these little things that mean so much to me, more than I could ever even begin to tell her. Whether it be childhood best friend, current best friend, or future best friend, she'll always be the best friend. Since 3rd grade and counting!

Love you lots, Feryaal.

Don't we look dashing?

I'm starting to feel like a Dungeon Dragon

Tonight marks the the first Saturday in a long time where I don't find myself slaving away at the threatening hands of some 500 page textbook. The only bitch I am now, is a FREE one! (Yes, it's been probably well over a year since Gaga's "Bad Romance", yet I still find myself using the term "free bitch" where and whenever possible.)

Needless to say, this new-found freedom is due to the completion of my final exams (as of Friday, the 17th, at precisely 9:07am) and the conclusion of another Fall semester at the U. This semester was one of the toughest ones I've had so far, and I don't know if it's due to the seemingly increasing difficulty of these courses, or merely the fact that I'm slowly losing my academic marbles. It's likely the latter, but for my ego's sake, I'll assume the former. Regardless, in the words of Lady Macbeth, "What's done, is done."

So what's next? I don't know. I'll definitely have to find ways to keep myself occupied during this break - more specifically, keep myself AMUSED. I have a tendency to feel extra Billy Bitter or Donnie Downer when I'm bored. I just always have this insatiable thirst for thrill. And let me tell you through experience (aka the past summer), it is not an easy fix. But I'm hoping to spend the break with my friends doing only what we know how to do best, and that's shop, eat, and drink. I swear if these activities were equivalent to sex (very debatable), I'd be such a f*cking whore. Haha.

Here's to good times, and a well deserved break.

Reminder to Self: To live doesn't mean you're alive.

Side note: I have boarded the NICKI MINAJ crazy train. This girl is ridiculous. Now look at what you just saw, this is what you live for....aahhhh she's a motherfuckin' monster. SO Into it.

take me over, now take me out.

Due to my decision to temporarily deactivate Facebook and go on a indefinite hiatus from Twitter (aka I logged out) as of last Saturday night, I must now blog to compensate for my lack of involvement on the interwebs. I know it's still early in my sudden withdrawal from these social networks, but surprisingly enough, I don't miss them too much - if at all. Ok fine, I admit that I do miss making my routine tweets every couple of hours throughout the day. But as far as Facebook goes, I haven't really thought about it (until now I guess). I mean when I'm on Facebook, all I ever do is cyber-creep my "friends" pages anyways. That's not exactly what I would call "staying connected" as it is more just plain damn nosey! Besides, I need not to be concerned with anyone else's business but my own especially now more than ever, with final exams forcing themselves onto us like date rape. Exams of course, being the underlying reason for my graceful exit from these social networks. The theory is that I'll be able to concentrate better and be more productive with my time if I wasn't spending it "liking" so-and-so's status or reading what current contest Whitney Port is tweeting about.

The next several weeks are not going to be my cup of tea, but I'm doing (trying) this thing where I complain less and just deal with it. Lately, the "dealing with it" approach has proven to be quite powerful, and I'm not talking just about school. I often wonder why I find myself in these sticky situations, but then I realize that I have no one to blame but myself. I'm responsible. Therefore, I need to make better decisions. I need to stop doing this to myself. I mean self-destruction is all artsy-tortured-soul and cool or whatever, but enough is enough. I think I deserve better. And the truth of the matter is, I always knew. I knew it wouldn't have worked out. I knew there was never really anything there, yet I pursued it none the less. It's fair to say that my curiosity and plain BOREDOM gets me into trouble sometimes (a lot of times). Oh well, lessons were hopefully learned, and life moves on. It wasn't you, it was just the idea of it, and that's all. So getting back to the point, I'm dealing with it.

On the brights, once hell week is over, I shall shop myself silly as I always do, and spend time with my favourite friends (yes, favouritism). Coffee-dates, dinners, and mini road-trips, not tomention Christmas and New Years oh my! They are my most loved.

Wow, wait. Did I just make an ACTUAL blog entry? Ridiculous.

p.s.- I have completely fallen in love all over again with Blair Waldorf. Seriously, we all need a Blair in our lives. That bitch can do anything! And all while wearing Louboutins and carrying a Chanel bag. Not to mention she has such a witty sense of humour. No matter what happens in England, my queen will ALWAYS be B.